Epilepsy Talk
Dating disasters… | July 26, 2023
When I was a teen I fell down, walked into walls, bumped into virtually everything in my path, and almost drowned in the shower.
So, you can imagine what a disaster dating was.
Of course, in my infinite wisdom, I would never tell my dates that I had epilepsy.
My parents wouldn’t even utter the word, so rather than become a pariah, I kept my mouth shut.
Bad idea…
For example, I was lusting to go out with Ricky Schwabacker for 2 years. I mean, he was a big-time senior and I was just a lowly sophomore.
So finally, he asked me out and we went to some kid’s house whose parents weren’t home. Oy.
Everybody sat in a circle and smoked dope. (I didn’t, because drugs were far from “recreational” to me.)
Then a very stoned Ricky and his friend sat down to play chess.
Suddenly “BOOM!” My head went crashing through the wood chessboard and I was out cold.
They thought I was dead. And they couldn’t figure out whether to call the police or not.
If they called the police, they’d be busted for dope. So, they decided to just sit it out until they figured out a plan.
When I suddenly regained consciousness, everybody was relieved (especially Ricky) and Ricky took me home.
Needless to say, that was my last date with Ricky.
Then there was Tommy who took me dancing.
Unfortunately it was the disco era.
And we walked into a room with a mirrored ball spinning, strobe lights flashing, and rock music booming.
I tried not to look (ha!) and went onto the dance floor, gyrating with everyone else. The difference was, I was having a seizure!
When the music stopped and everyone drifted back to their tables, I melted down to the floor. The crowd was no longer propping me up.
So you can see why I wasn’t everybody’s first choice for a date. And why I felt so alone…
Nobody knew how to act around me.
My own parents didn’t even know what to do with me.
Epilepsy became my “dirty secret.” Like it or not…
But after those many fiascos (and MANY years later), I met a guy at work who became a buddy and we started hanging out.
The first time I was in his apartment, I had a flaming seizure. I figured: “Oh no. Here we go again.”
The guy was so sweet and gentle and considerate, I couldn’t believe it.
Kind to ME? Little old damaged me?
Instead of running for the hills, he asked if I was having a seizure and what he could do for me. (It turned out that one of his best friends since second grade had epilepsy).
Yes, I had hit the jackpot.
A warm, caring guy who accepted me as I was, no problem. (But many seizures!)
I decided: He’s a keeper.
We’ve been married for 43 years.
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About the author
Epilepsy Talk 
To make a long story short, I had just been turned down when I proposed to a friend of my cousin. One month later, I met another girl. Her two friends knew my two friends and they started fooling around so that left her and me.
I took her home and later got a call. She couldn’t find her ring. When I went to her house to help her find it, it couldn’t be found…because she never lost it.
We started dating and about six months after that, she witnessed one of my seizures. She wished I would have said something sooner but that was her only complaint about it.
I gave her a lot of close calls from seizures and I finally decided to have a temporal lobectomy. Last year, July 21 was a significant day. We celebrated our 43rd anniversary and half of that time (21 1/2 years) she had a seizure-free husband.
Last Friday was our 44th anniversary and we spent the weekend in Iowa. We visited a place that reminds of the results of my surgery…Field of Dreams.
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Comment by Ed Lugge — July 26, 2023 @ 1:42 PM
What a wonderful story, Ed. Field of Dreams is perfect!
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Comment by Phylis Feiner Johnson — July 26, 2023 @ 2:38 PM
I would be interested in hearing the stories of those with epilepsy who initially felt like a loser and then overcame it. How did you do that, and how long did it take?
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Comment by HoDo — July 26, 2023 @ 2:44 PM
I love this story so much!!! I have shared it with my very lonely adult daughter who has DRE. She just cried and said this story gave her hope. Thanks so much for being vulnerable and sharing this.
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Comment by Lori — July 26, 2023 @ 2:52 PM
It seemed like a lifetime, but it was actually 20 years from being diagnosed that I stumbled into Arthur.
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Comment by Phylis Feiner Johnson — July 26, 2023 @ 2:53 PM
To borrow Ed’s line, “I’ll make a long story short …. ” I had my first “episode” in the pulpit. Yes, I was preaching! So was the devil possessing me or was I so overcome by the Spirit that I was experiencing an uncontrolled holy moment? No one even said a thing after the worship except, “I hope you feel better.”
Went back home where Anne was recovering from surgery and told her about my “episode.” I couldn’t even say the word epilepsy or seizure because in my arrogance things like that just didn’t happen to me. I know; I know – just a little snot!
Well, after 14 years of tonic-clonic seizures – numbering well into the hundreds – Anne and I are still together! Something in that “in sickness and in health” line of our wedding vows became quite real. Again, we are still together!
Incidentally, it is now over a month since my last seizure. So let’s celebrate! Perhaps a little hope to those who need to read some positive stuff!
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Comment by George Choyce — July 26, 2023 @ 9:21 PM
Oh George, how wonderful!!!!
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Comment by Phylis Feiner Johnson — July 26, 2023 @ 9:30 PM
My dating horror was that this nice guy I really liked asked me out on a specific day saying we will figure out what we’re going to do. We both worked and getting time off together was difficult.
That day came we went for dinner and then he said the planetarium has a laser show set to Pink Floyd let’s go.. so
we finished dinner, he paid and we ran across the street. I remember some of the music and it was good then I had a seizure.. it was so dark I wondered if anyone had seen it happen. I closed my eyes for the rest of the performance and just rested, not noticing Gary have a seizure then settle back in his seat. He did take me home and called his dad explaining what happened and he would be staying over.His dad asked but what about your meds ? It’s ok Bonnie has plenty to share.
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Comment by Bonnie — July 27, 2023 @ 4:55 PM
That’s the best story yet!
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Comment by Phylis Feiner Johnson — July 27, 2023 @ 5:54 PM