Epilepsy Talk

Gaslighting — what to do when it happens to you  | August 20, 2024

Is your doctor making you feel crazy? Like it’s all in your head? Could you be a hypochondriac?

You must be imagining your symptoms. Or maybe you’re just in a panic.

“Go home and take two Advil. Or maybe two Xanax. You’ll feel fine when this blows over. I assure you.”

Maybe you should have gone to Google first.

(Google defines gaslighting as “a form of mental abuse in which information is twisted or spun, selectively omitted to favor the abuser, or false information is presented with the intent of making victims doubt their own memory, perception, and sanity.”)

Well, you’re not hysterical. Or a hypochondriac idiot. You’re not “overreacting”. And you’re certainly not crazy.

But, chances are, your doctor is gaslighting you.

While gaslighting is manipulating someone into questioning their own sanity, medical gaslighting is manipulating a patient into thinking that they are exaggerating their own condition.

We are often accused of being hypochondriacs or unreliable witnesses of our own experiences that results in subsequent doctors dismissing our symptoms.

It causes, a patient more and prolonged pain, putting their well-being or even their lives at risk.

Unfortunately, evidence shows medical gaslighting is so common, the mistreatment and neglect of patients — particularly women reporting symptoms like pain — is not the exception, but the rule.

Often treatment is withheld, the condition gets worse, and we suffer for years, or die.

Medical gaslighting can take many forms. Do any of these sound familiar to you?

Minimizing debilitating or dangerous symptoms – “Your pain can’t be that bad“

Blaming symptoms on mental illness – “It’s all in your head”

Assuming a diagnosis based on sex, race, identity, age, gender, ethnicity or weight. – “If you lost weight, your symptoms would disappear“

Refusing to order important tests or imaging work. – “I know you don’t have “xyz”, I do not need an MRI to tell me this. I know how to do my job“

Refusing to discuss the health issues with the patient. Berating patients for trying to self-diagnose. – “Who’s the doctor here, me or Google?”Sometimes we believe the doctors who gaslight us.

Being ignored by your healthcare professional is one of the most common complaints heard by patient advocates, healthcare reporters, and now social media.

Over 77 thousand patients actually tweeted about delayed diagnosis stories in one week!

When we visit our healthcare professional at our most vulnerable, learning that our symptoms are being discounted hurts.

The impact can cause both emotional and practical damage. Too often dismissed patients avoid health checks in the future and go without proper medical care and screenings.

There is a subtle difference between a patient who experiences a delayed diagnosis and one whose symptoms are dismissed.

Delay can happen for many reasons.

For many women in America, this response is all too familiar.

According to the Atlantic, researchers have found that women consistently receive less pain medication than men, as do ethnic patients.

And they are less likely to be admitted to hospitals and receive necessary tests than men complaining of similar symptoms.

In some cases, this can lead to months of pain and lowered quality of life.

In the worst-case scenarios, this can lead to death or disability due to misdiagnosis and lack of treatment.

“If gaslighting is manipulating someone into questioning their own sanity, medical gaslighting is manipulating a patient into thinking that they are exaggerating their own condition, causing a patient more and prolonged pain, putting their well-being or even their lives at risk.  — Kelly Mendenhall

6 Ways to Help Avoid Medical Gaslighting

1. Learn to advocate for yourself. 

The first thing you have to do if you want anyone to take your pain seriously is to learn how to take your pain seriously for yourself. Don’t downplay your pain. If it affects your life, learn to speak up. Explaining your experience with pain is not attention seeking, so get rid of that thought. It my take time, but you will eventually learn how you are comfortable explaining your pain and talking about it will become easier. 

2. Bring a friend with you.

A simple way to be taken seriously is to bring someone with you who can back you up. It’s easy to feel almost ganged up on at an appointment by yourself, especially if a doctor is committed to not hearing you. Bringing someone along that can support you and help you remember details about the appointment or about your health is invaluable.

3. Write down everything.

Doctor’s appointments are often a whirl of information. Things can get lost very easily in conversation. A simple but incredibly helpful way to make sure you were able to say what you need to say is to write down what you want to say before hand and then take notes during the appointment as well. This is especially helpful if you’re transferring medical data between doctors or seeing a doctor for the first time.  

4. Have clear goals.

Having a clear goal in mind before visiting a doctor can save you a lot of frustration. The simpler the goal, the better. Sometimes it helps to have just one symptom, one medication, or one problem you want to specifically address in an appointment. When you come in focused on a certain thing, doctors will have a harder time brushing it aside.  

5. Ask questions.

If you have questions, ask them. Don’t hesitate for a second. Knowledge is literally power, especially in the medical world. Ask questions about diagnostic processes, medication, medical protocol, anything you think will help you.  

6. Ask for a second opinion.

A lot of people seem to think second opinions are somehow taboo or rude in the medical world. I think that is ridiculous. There is nothing taboo about seeking more opinions about your health. It’s your health. A good doctor will not be offended if you see someone else for a second opinion. In fact, a great doctor may even suggest it. Don’t be afraid to seek further medical help if you have doubts or just want more clarity about your diagnosis and treatment.  

“Missteps and misunderstandings, even by well-seasoned medical professionals, are human, but medical gaslighting is not.

Medical professionals must take a step back and recognize that the interpretation of test results is only as good as the practitioner glancing at the numbers.

Moreover, normal test results in patients with chronic pain, unexplained sensitivities to the world, or fatigue should provoke more investigation, rather than a weak handoff to a mental health provider.

One potential remedy to avoid these misdiagnoses and medical misdemeanors may be to rebuild the patient-practitioner partnership: the medical home.

We should be empowering the patient to take charge of their health care, and we should be a partner in that care.” — Dr. Anne Maitland

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Resources:

https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/doctors-gaslighting-patients#3

https://opmed.doximity.com/articles/misdiagnoses-happen-medical-gaslighting-should-not?_csrf_attempted=yes

https://www.prevention.com/health/a41515604/medical-gaslighting/

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/gaslighting#:~:text=Gaslighting%20is%20an%20insidious%20form,perception%2C%20and%20even%20their%20sanity.

https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-medical-gaslighting-6831284#:~:text=There%20are%20several%20common%20ways,or%20constantly%20interrupt%20them8

https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/how-to-address-medical-gaslighting1/#:~:text=Medical%20gaslighting%20refers%20to%20cases,clear%20power%20imbalance%20at%20play.

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