Epilepsy Talk

What Is your Favorite Joke — Part #2 | August 18, 2011

Well folks, it looks like you took me seriously. 😉  Which just goes to show: Who says people with epilepsy don’t have a great sense of humor?

So, bring it on, so we can start with a laugh each day.


Posted in Epilepsy
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17 Comments »

  1. A Hubby & his very blonde wife were sound asleep when the phone rang. She reached over & answered it. Then said, “I haven’t the slightest Idea. I live 200 miles from there” then hung up.

    Hubby asks ” Who was that, dear?” She replied “I don’t know. She wanted to know if the Coast was clear. ” 😉

    Like

    Comment by candi — August 18, 2011 @ 5:20 PM

  2. A Prayer for Obama…

    Read Psalms 109:8

    {quote}”Let his days be few,and let another take his office”{unquote}

    Like

    Comment by mkfarnam — August 19, 2011 @ 4:43 PM

  3. A mom was concerned about her kindergarten son walking to school. He
    didn’t want his mother to walk with him. She wanted to give him the feeling
    that he had some independence but yet know that he was safe.

    So she had an idea of how to handle it. She asked a neighbor if she would
    please follow him to school in the mornings, staying at a distance, so he
    probably wouldn’t notice her.

    She said that since she was up early with her toddler anyway, it would
    be a good way for them to get some exercise as well, so she agreed.

    The next school day, the neighbor and her little girl set out following
    behind Timmy as he walked to school with another neighbor girl he knew.
    She did this for the whole week.

    As the two walked and chatted, kicking stones and twigs, Timmy’s little
    friend noticed the same lady was following them as she seemed to do
    every day all week. Finally she said to Timmy, ‘Have you noticed that lady
    following us to school all week?

    Do you know her?’ Timmy nonchalantly replied,
    ‘Yeah, I know who she is.’
    The little girl said, ‘Well, who is she?’

    ‘That’s just Shirley Goodnest,’ Timmy replied, ‘and her daughter Marcy.’
    ‘Shirley Goodnest? Who the heck is she and why is she following us? ‘

    ‘Well,’ Timmy explained, ‘every night my Mom makes me say the Psalm 23:1-8
    with my prayers, ‘cuz she worries about me so much.

    And in the Psalm 23:8, it says, ‘Shirley Goodnest and Marcy shall follow
    me all the days of my life’, so I guess I’ll just have to get used to it!’

    Like

    Comment by mkfarnam — August 19, 2011 @ 5:04 PM

  4. “NEWS BREAK”!..

    Today the FDA agreed to release the Ingredients use in Viagra

    • Vitamin E 3%
    • Aspirin 2%
    • Ibuprofen 2%
    • Vitamin C 1%
    • Spray Starch 5%
    • Fix-A-Flat 87%

    Like

    Comment by mkfarnam — August 21, 2011 @ 4:35 AM

  5. Hillbilly asks her,”kin ya swallar?” The woman shakes her head no. Hillbilly asks her “kin ya breathe?” Woman shakes her head no. Hillbilly walks over,lifts up her dress, yanks down britches and licks her butt cheek. The woman has a violent spasm and spits out food. The hillbillies’ buddy says “ya know,I heerd of that there hind lick maneuver but I aint niver seed nobody do it”…..re-post if ya laughed!-yeehaw…..

    Like

    Comment by mkfarnam — August 21, 2011 @ 4:37 AM

  6. THIS JUST IN:

    Playboy reportedly offered Sarah Palin $4,000,000 to pose nude in an upcoming issue.

    Michelle Obama was offered $50 by National Geographic.
    ——————–

    And in other news……..
    We all remember when KFC offered a “Hillary”
    meal, consisting of 2 small breasts and 2 large thighs.

    Now, KFC is offering the “Obama Cabinet Bucket”. It consists of nothing but
    left wings and chicken shit.

    Just keeping you updated!

    Like

    Comment by mkfarnam — August 21, 2011 @ 7:31 PM

  7. TV NEWS Bloopers

    Like

    Comment by mkfarnam — August 22, 2011 @ 1:37 PM

  8. A Florida senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he floored it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left. “Amazing,” he thought as he flew down I-75, pushing the pedal even more.

    Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a state trooper behind him, blue lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to 100 mph…then 110… then 120.

    Suddenly he thought,”What am I doing? I’m too old for this,” and pulled over to await the trooper’s arrival. Pulling in behind him, the trooper walked up to the Corvette, looked at his watch and said, “Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a reason for speeding that I’ve never heard before, I’ll let you go.”

    The old gentleman paused, then said, “Years ago, my wife ran off with a Florida State Trooper. I thought you were bringing her back.”

    “Have a good day, sir,” replied the trooper.

    Like

    Comment by mkfarnam — August 22, 2011 @ 8:30 PM

  9. The New Government Symbol

    The government today announced that it is changing its symbol from an Eagle to a CONDOM, because it more accurately reflects the government’s political stance…. A condom allows for inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of dicks, and gives you a sense of security while you’re actually being screwed!
    Damn, it just doesn’t get more accurate than that!

    Like

    Comment by mkfarnam — August 24, 2011 @ 5:54 PM

  10. “Noah Gets Buried In Beaurocracy”

    And the Lord spoke to Noah and said “In six months I’m going to make it rain until the whole earth is covered with water and all the evil people are destroyed. But I want to save a few good people, and two of every living thing on the planet. I am ordering you to build me an Ark.” And in a flash of lightning he delivered the blueprints for the Ark.

    “O.K.” said Noah, trembling and fumbling with the blueprints.

    “Six months, and it starts to rain,” thundered the Lord. “You must have the Ark completed by then.”

    And six month’s passed, the skies began to cloud up and rain began to fall. The Lord saw that Noah was sitting in his front yard weeping, and there was no Ark.

    “Noah!” shouted the Lord, “Where is my Ark?”

    A lightning bolt crashed into the ground next to Noah. “Lord, please forgive me!” begged Noah. “I did the best I could but there where big problems. First I had to get a building permit for the Ark, and your blueprints didn’t meet code, so I had to hire an engineer to redraw the plans. Then they told me it needed fire supression and sprinkler systems, and the neighbors objected claiming I was violating zoning by building the Ark in my front yard, so I had to get a variance from the town planning commission.

    Then I couldn’t get enough wood for the Ark because there was a ban on cutting trees to save the Spotted Owl, I had to convince the Fish and Wildlife department I needed the wood to save the owls. But they wouldn’t let me catch any owls, so no owls. Then the carpenters formed a union and went on strike, I had to negotiate a settlement with National Labor Relations before anyone would pick up a hammer.

    I started gathering up animals, and got sued by an animal rights group, they objected to me taking two of each kind. Just when I got the suit dismissed the EPA notified me I couldn’t complete the Ark without filing an environmental impact statement on your proposed flood. They didn’t take kindly to the idea they had no jurisdiction over the conduct of a Supreme Being.

    Then the Army Corps of engineers wanted a map of the proposed new flood plan, I sent them a globe. Right now I’m still trying to resolve a complaint form the Equal Employment Opportunity commission over how many minority workers I have to hire. “I tied my best Lord” Noah wailed, “But I just could not complete the Ark”.

    The sky began to clear and the sun began to shine, a rainbow arched across the sky. Noah looked up and smiled, “You mean you’re no going to destroy the Earth?” Noah asked hopefully.

    “No” the Lord replied, “The government already has

    Like

    Comment by mkfarnam — August 25, 2011 @ 5:16 AM

    • I could use an ark right now. It’s raining like the end of the world!!!

      Like

      Comment by Phylis Feiner Johnson — August 25, 2011 @ 2:46 PM

      • Send some of that rain down here, we’ve praying for it for 4 months.

        BTW, Phylis, has Pa, recieved any effects from Hurricane Irene?

        Like

        Comment by mkfarnam — August 27, 2011 @ 7:08 PM

  11. Right now, it’s raining heavily and I’m feverishly roasting a chicken, hoping it will be cooked before the power goes off!

    Like

    Comment by Phylis Feiner Johnson — August 27, 2011 @ 7:56 PM

  12. An 85-year-old man was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, “Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow.” The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor’s office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day. The doctor asked, what happened and the man explained. “Well, doc, it’s like this–first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing. We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin’ it between her knees, but still nothing.” The doctor was shocked! “You asked your neighbor?” The old man replied, “Yep, none of us could get the jar open”..

    Like

    Comment by mkfarnam — September 22, 2011 @ 5:14 AM

  13. A married couple went to the hospital to have their baby delivered. Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new machine that would transfer a portion of the mother’s labor pain to the father. He asked if they were willing to try it out. They were both very much in favor of it.

    The doctor set the knob to 10% for starters, explaining that even that amount was probably more pain the the father had ever experienced before. But as the labor progress, the husband felt fine, so he asked the doctor to go ahead and bump it up a notch. The doctor adjusted the machine to 20% pain transfer.

    The husband was still feeling fine. The doctor checked the husband’s blood pressure and pulse and was amazed at how well he was doing. At this, they decided to try for 50%. The husband continued to feel quite well.

    Since it was obvious his ability to withstand a high level of pain was helping out his wife considerably, the husband encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain to him. The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain. She and her husband were ecstatic.

    When they arrived home, the mailman was dead on their porch.

    Like

    Comment by mkfarnam — September 23, 2011 @ 3:04 PM


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    About the author

    Phylis Feiner Johnson

    Phylis Feiner Johnson

    I've been a professional copywriter for over 35 years. I also had epilepsy for decades. My mission is advocacy; to increase education, awareness and funding for epilepsy research. Together, we can make a huge difference. If not changing the world, at least helping each other, with wisdom, compassion and sharing.

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