Epilepsy Talk

Dating Disasters and Epilepsy | May 12, 2012

When I was a teen I fell down, walked into walls, bumped into virtually everything in my path, and almost drowned in the shower.

So, you can imagine what a disaster dating was. Of course, in my infinite wisdom, I would never tell my dates that I had epilepsy. My parents wouldn’t even utter the word, so rather than become a pariah, I kept my mouth shut.

Bad idea…

For example, I was lusting to go out with Ricky Schwabacker for 2 years. I mean, he was a big-time senior and I was just a lowly sophomore. So finally he asked me out and we went to some kid’s house whose parents weren’t home. Oy.

Everybody sat in a circle and smoked dope. (I didn’t, because drugs were far from “recreational” to me.) Then a very stoned Ricky and his friend sat down to play chess.

Suddenly “BOOM!” My head went crashing through the wood chessboard and I was out cold. They thought I was dead. And they couldn’t figure out whether to call the police or not.

If they called the police, they’d be busted for dope. So, they decided to just sit it out until they figured out a plan.

When I suddenly regained consciousness, everybody was relieved (especially Ricky) and Ricky took me home. Needless to say, that was my last date with Ricky.

Then there was Tommy who took me dancing. Unfortunately it was the disco era. And we walked into a room with a mirrored ball spinning, strobe lights flashing, and rock music booming.

I tried not to look (ha!) and went onto the dance floor, gyrating with everyone else. The difference was, I was having a seizure! When the music stopped and everyone drifted back to their tables, I melted down to the floor. The crowd was no longer propping me up.

So you can see why I wasn’t everybody’s first choice for a date. And why I felt so alone… Nobody knew how to act around me. My own parents didn’t even know what to do with me.

Epilepsy became my “dirty secret.” Like it or not…

But after those many fiascos (and MANY years later), I met a guy at work who became a buddy and we started hanging out. The first time I was in his apartment, I had a flaming seizure. I figured: “Oh no. Here we go again.”

The guy was so sweet and gentle and considerate, I couldn’t believe it. Kind to ME? Little old damaged me?

Instead of running for the hills, he asked if I was having a seizure and what he could do for me. (It turned out that one of his best friends since second grade had epilepsy).

Yes, I had hit the jackpot. A warm, caring guy who accepted me as I was, no problem. (But many seizures!)

I decided: He’s a keeper. We’ve been married for 33 years.

 


62 Comments »

  1. Thank you for posting this, such an inspiring story! 🙂 And congrats on being together for 33 years.

    Like

    Comment by Liza — May 12, 2012 @ 4:24 PM

  2. Well, it took 27 years to my my epilepsy-accepting Prince. But Arthur IS a Prince of a guy! 🙂

    Like

    Comment by Phylis Feiner Johnson — May 12, 2012 @ 4:32 PM

    • AMAZINGLY,,, Some relationships are made in heaven, to withstand & over come all odds.

      RAIN or SHIN,,, THE HIGHER THE ODDS, THE SOLID THE RELATIONSHIPS.

      I admire, the people who are willing to stay, when they didn’t have to.

      I admire, the people who take it upon themselves, as PERSONAL OBLIGATION to be there for the other one.
      I look up to people of your kind, proving LOVE is stronger than the daily storms of life.

      Thank you for sharing the beauty of mankind, for your experience benefits the new generations of mankind to depend on.

      CHEERS !!!

      Like

      Comment by Gerrie — May 12, 2012 @ 10:44 PM

      • Many years ago, a friend of mine gave me a postcard, which I still have over my desk (VERY faded):

        “Nobody has to tell you when it’s right.”

        Like

        Comment by Phylis Feiner Johnson — May 12, 2012 @ 11:27 PM

      • “Nobody has to tell you when it’s right.”

        Beutifully said & very logical.

        Like

        Comment by Ghebrehuwarshek@yahoo.com — May 12, 2012 @ 11:43 PM

  3. Good for you. Im so glad I’m not alone.

    Like

    Comment by KTF — May 12, 2012 @ 6:11 PM

    • KTF–please never feel alone—there are SO many people out there that can relate to how you are feeling in one way or another what/how you are feeling. Those same people will always be willing to listen to anything you say, anytime you need to talk. Growing up as the only person in my school(I went to a Catholic grammar school from grades 1-7)that had epilepsy and I felt so alone and SO different–never accepted for me–it TOOK ME SO LONG to even figure out WHO ME WAS–part of me STILL wonders!!! Am I good enough for my husband, my children, will I ever finish school and help other people the way I would have wanted people to be there for me..I want to be the one to make a difference in peoples lives..and I will, whether next year, 10 yrs from now…I will make a difference, and you have to remember—as seizures sometimes make people feel, we aren’t alone. Thanks to Phylis and everyone on here for making me smile. I wish I had met/encountered some of you 20+years ago through my battle with 7-9 seizures a day, but I’m glad I have now!! You are all so awesome!!!

      Like

      Comment by sunshinej716 — May 13, 2012 @ 2:37 AM

  4. I have had funny or disaster stories dating but it depends on the person I was dating. My husband has seen everything. We have been married 21 years. We have known each other for 24 years. My husband and myself have raised 2 children that are now young adults! Yikes! They have a few stories too! My youngest wants to be a Psychologist.. She has seen interesting things and asks is that normal. Both young adults are excellent in school but they have challenges too.

    Phylis has kept my sanity for the last 3 years. THANKS!!!

    It is important to tell the truth! Most the time holding it back causes me to have more seizures and it is not worth it to you or the person you are not telling the truth.

    Like

    Comment by Toni Robison — May 12, 2012 @ 7:28 PM

  5. Well, grown-ups know all the virtues about the truth. But when you’re a young cast-away, you sure don’t want to admit it.

    Who wants to ‘fess up to the fact that your parents didn’t want to pay for college because they were sure you wouldn’t “amount to anything?”

    If your own family treats you like a pariah, dating hardly seems like a promising prospect.

    On the other hand, once you “grow up” and accept you for who you are…others fall into step also. Because, if you don’t like yourself, how can you expect others to?

    (Except for Arthur who saw far beneath the surface and gave me much of the confidence that I have today…just by loving me.)

    So there is hope. If you dream it, you can do it. But it may take a little bit longer. 😉

    Like

    Comment by Phylis Feiner Johnson — May 12, 2012 @ 7:39 PM

    • Arthur, thank you for looking deep into Phylis!

      Alot of us at times need someone to look deep into us and pat us on the back to give us the confidence to go on and do it!!!! Love does wonders!

      Phylis you have helped a lot of us, including myself! I want to help others. I am helping others that are sick. Not only those w/ sz disorders but those that are in rehab. and in nursing homes. Someone to talk too, That is my first step.

      Like

      Comment by Toni Robison — May 12, 2012 @ 8:08 PM

      • Toni,

        Thank you for the words — plus all you are and all you do.

        I once told you that I considered you an invaluable member of this website.

        I’m sure those who are lucky enough to have your help consider you just as precious.

        You are a jewel.

        Like

        Comment by Phylis Feiner Johnson — May 12, 2012 @ 10:21 PM

  6. I LOVE telling everyone I started had grand mal seizures at age 34, due to stress and the toxic flouride and other chemicals they spray in the chemtrails in the sky (just google chemtrails to learn more). I want the WORLD to know about seizures and how common they can be. I don’t have epilepsy, maybe that’s why I have NO SHAME to tell everyone I can how important our health is, to get GOOD 8 hours sleep each night, avoid stress, etc. So there’s a bit of an opposite perspective, and I hope everyone can let go of any embarrassments or shameful feelings they may have! I’m still much smarter and more functional than most “normal” folks out there;) Also my girlfriend witnessed my first (and 2nd) episodes of seizures and called 911 shortly after, got me to the ER which didn’t help at all but added more stressful medical bills and death threats “if I don’t accept their tests” which didn’t show anything, and am fine now just taking 500mg of Keppra daily for 3-5 years per Neurologist suggestion and have not had another seizure in 1 year, yay! I didn’t warn my girlfriend since I never had a seizure before. I cannot believe someone would break up over Epilepsy, how shallow and who wants such a partner anyway! Guess it’s a good sign to find out sooner than later…

    Like

    Comment by Aje — May 12, 2012 @ 8:05 PM

  7. Right you are Aje! Now that I am older (and hopefully wiser), it’s full disclosure for me!

    Well, how could it not be, since I closed down my freelance business to start this website? 😉

    There’s a wonderful member of our family here named Charlie. (See “Cheers for Charlie!” https://epilepsytalk.com/2011/03/05/cheers-for-charlie/ )

    Charlie had two rounds of brain surgery and has a jagged scar from above his ear to about the middle of his head and he has a buzz cut.

    Somewhat curiously (and a little horrified), I asked him why he didn’t grow his hair longer — to cover (or hide) the scar.

    “What do you mean?” he said.

    “THIS is my badge of honor. Whenever someone stares at my scar or asks me about it, that’s an instant opportunity to educate them a little bit about epilepsy!”

    His wife has supported him in every way, through those two brain surgeries (one of them was botched) and ever after.

    He is equally devoted to her.

    You don’t necessarily have to be “healthy” to love someone and be in love with them.

    Like

    Comment by Phylis Feiner Johnson — May 12, 2012 @ 10:41 PM

    • Wow, Phylis! Charlie sounds like what I have thought about doing with my hair since I left my ex-husband (his focal point with the abuse was pulling me by the hair and punching me in the head on the side where the scar is) I would love to have the “guts” to do something like that to educate–and I think just to see the shock factor involved!!! If it meant having people ask me what the scar(on the right side behind my ear to about above my right eye) and I could make more people aware of Epilepsy—I would do it in a heartbeat!! (my hair is now down to my shoulders) if it were to make a difference with knowledge—it would be worth it—Just like deciding to go with the surgery, that has given me some many opportunities —I may not have had without it. (Kudos to Dr. Graham once again) My husband—it took him 9 years to convince me he wasn’t going anywhere, wasn’t going to turn into an abusive sob the minute we lived together and is my rock–he supports me going to school, he encourages me–he is an awesome dad…and excepts everything about me, as I am, for who I am–even though I am continually trying to change something_love is truly an amazing thing—

      Like

      Comment by sunshinej716 — May 13, 2012 @ 2:23 AM

      • Well, your ex sounds like a real charmer. Glad you found a REAL guy, who appreciates you as you SHOULD be appreciated.

        I can see why you were slow to trust your present husband (I’d say you were a bit shell-shocked) but I’m grateful that he persevered and stood by you. (It’s difficult to think of who WOULDN”T love you?)

        And just for the record, I don’t think you’d look terrific with a buzz. There ARE other ways! 😉

        Like

        Comment by Phylis Feiner Johnson — May 13, 2012 @ 3:45 PM

      • Yes Phylis, he is! I think we make a pretty good team!! I completely agree with your earlier statement_”But you CAN do it. Give yourself time. And relax. That wonderful someone will come when you least expect him”–I think of that now each time I feel exhausted and craving that monster know as tabacco—it’s only been three weeks this past Friday–feels like 3 years– However that same wonderful someone you spoke of and I are pretty happy and it is possible….it just takes lots of patience, tolerance, OPEN communication–I don’t think if I told Jon about everything(including my seizures and abusive ex situation) we would be getting along the same–I don’t think there is anything we keep from each other and I wouldn’t trade him for the world—although these past three weeks, and lots of grumpiness, who knows, he may want to trade me in for awhile while this withdrawal that seems like its going on forever—gets the best of me and I snap at the little things–he is sooo patient and loving….There really is someone out there for everyone—it just takes time!! :o)

        Like

        Comment by sunshinej716 — May 13, 2012 @ 7:50 PM

  8. These stories bring you to tears & YET, the stories fill your heart with warmth, forcing you to believe the human WILL POWER is far more powerful than Epilepsy.

    Thanks to ALL of you, every time it feels like giving up, here comes EPILEPSYTALK, with powerful stories launching you like a rocket,,, TAKE IT, BUT KEEP GOING & GOING & GOING, just like any other human being, YOU AIN’T ALONE, many have been there & done that & went on & on & on, to live worthy life.

    IT’s JUST BEAUTIFUL TO COME HERE & FEEL BETTER EVERY NOW & THEN!!!

    Thank you for your beautiful stories.

    Like

    Comment by Gerrie — May 12, 2012 @ 10:58 PM

    • Gerrie, perseverance, patience, having determination and cutting yourself a break once in awhile is the key to beating epilepsy!!! Don’t let it hold you back from what you want in life!! You are beautiful and life is ALWAYS worth living–because the other option. I know there are always things that make us from time to time want to give up, but keep it all in perspective. There is always tomorrow to beat the odds, just never let them beat you.

      Like

      Comment by sunshinej716 — May 13, 2012 @ 7:59 PM

      • Thanks Sunshine,

        It helps to follow the experts who live in MY SHOE & learn how to navigate the muddy waters.

        Bless you.

        Like

        Comment by Gerrie — May 14, 2012 @ 10:18 PM

  9. Gerrie, thank you for being here. And all YOU give and share…

    Like

    Comment by Phylis Feiner Johnson — May 12, 2012 @ 11:29 PM

    • Phylis, My Congrats,
      My younger dating yr’s were simuliar. I keep it hush and never told anyone.
      Then in 1985 I was refilling my meds at the Hosp, and a women was being released from the Mental Health ward. We got to talking and I found that she had no place to stay, so I offered her a room with no strings tie. We were married for 21 yr’s. She had Bi-Polar and I had epilepsy and we help each other every step of the way.

      Mike

      Like

      Comment by mkfarnam — May 13, 2012 @ 3:02 AM

      • Mike, just like you to put someone’s welfare before your own!

        And the fact that you were mutually able to help and support each other — isn’t that what love is all about?

        Like

        Comment by Phylis Feiner Johnson — May 13, 2012 @ 3:50 PM

  10. Thank you so much for this post Phylis and to everyone for sharing. I just recently felt like I was confident enough to look at dating again. My health had been stable for a few months and having just had a birthday (29) I really wanted to put my foot out there again.

    But in the past 2 month I’ve collapsed with seizures several times. My energy is gone and I feel like I got the rug pulled out from under me. I’ve always been afraid of how to tell others as so many times it has made them turn and run. I keep telling myself that someday someone will finally not see this as a weakness, but that it makes me stronger. It just would be nice if he showed up sometime soon. I could use the shoulder for support.

    Like

    Comment by krk01 — May 13, 2012 @ 7:13 AM

  11. There’s a saying: “I fall down and I get up again and keep dancing.”

    Easier said than done, I know. Losing your self-confidence and energy to pain is natural. Overcoming that is a monumental task.

    But you CAN do it. Give yourself time. And relax. That wonderful someone will come when you least expect him.

    (I was done with dating and decided to just focus on my career when I met Arthur.)

    And, as I believe from personal experience, life begins at 30. At least mine did.

    Like

    Comment by Phylis Feiner Johnson — May 13, 2012 @ 4:06 PM

    • I did my career first too and that is when I met my husband! I had a few little incidents on the way! 🙂

      Like

      Comment by Toni Robison — May 13, 2012 @ 7:32 PM

  12. God bless u for posting this. coz I am in the same scenario this week. I was not able to decide whether to tell my new girlfriend that I am epileptic or not. to leave it. But now I have decided It’ll be the first thing I will talk to her when we meet next time. Thank u Phylis. I enjoy your posts always.

    Like

    Comment by Negeo Tesfaye — May 13, 2012 @ 5:39 PM

    • Glad you enjoy the posts. And yes, I think telling your girlfriend sooner rather than later IS the way to go!

      Like

      Comment by Phylis Feiner Johnson — May 13, 2012 @ 6:10 PM

    • So how did it go when you told her?

      Like

      Comment by chase A — August 12, 2015 @ 7:06 PM

  13. All my life I have held the issue of me being an epileptic from everyone until I felt comfortable with that person knowing this. Myself, I feel that there are
    other parts of me that others should know first

    Like

    Comment by mkfarnam — May 13, 2012 @ 8:30 PM

    • But that’s me…

      Like

      Comment by mkfarnam — May 13, 2012 @ 8:42 PM

      • Well Mike, I understand your point of view. I don’t know if I would have told Arthur immediately if I hadn’t had a flaming seizure on our first “date.”

        But epilepsy is just a PART of us. As you yourself said, there are many other wonderful things about you. So why let epilepsy get in the way?

        Like

        Comment by Phylis Feiner Johnson — May 13, 2012 @ 10:08 PM

  14. Anymore..I feel that there’s a right time for everything.
    Telling someone your epileptic, when that person has no full understanding……is the “wrong” time.

    Like

    Comment by mkfarnam — May 14, 2012 @ 3:33 AM

    • Point taken. I understand where you’re coming from…

      Like

      Comment by Phylis Feiner Johnson — May 14, 2012 @ 2:59 PM

    • Mike,
      Can you time, when & where your seizures are going to strike?

      Does seizures have manuals, procedures, time tables, schedules & programs to strike?

      If ONE can NOT time, schedule & program, when & where the seizures are going to strike, how does ONE protect himself/herself from the strikes, before telling anyone anything about seizures?

      When is the right time to tell anything to anybody, when you are already knocked out with seizures in front of their eyes & they are left with panic & the burden to save your life & carry you to the hospital?

      When do you get to provide information & lecture society about Epilepsy, before or after the seizures?

      Miky,
      There are more questions than answers to this menace.
      Just hope, someone cares to see more in you, than just your seizures.

      Good Luck.

      Like

      Comment by Gerrie — May 14, 2012 @ 10:03 PM

      • I’m mostly speaking for myself. My seizure are pretty much controlled. When I do have one it’s only when I’m asleep.
        But I’ve been through years of abuse before they were controlled.

        Like

        Comment by mkfarnam — May 14, 2012 @ 10:16 PM

      • Gerrie, I completely agree with your response to Mike, yet I wholeheartedly know EXACTLY how Mike feels. People who have never seen or heard of epilepsy/seizures for the most part-don’t even know what to expect/or how to react. So, many of them act out or shut us down/out—(OR they arrest you on a plane and take you to jail, according to recent news)

        BUT ladies and gents– that is why WE as people with Epilepsy(or former epileptics)/seizures or anything remotely similar) have to be the 1st informers, educators and stand up for ourselves– what we experience with seizures is all part of us, awesome, smart, funny, grumpy, miserable, whatever we are feeling– us!! (still only a part–but very important part) Letting people who encounter us everyday/especially those we are possibly getting closer to-whether possible relationship/co-workers/fellow students/church we go to–these are all people that should know–anyone that may be there when we could even remotely have a seizure around NEEDS to know— so they can help immediately/correctly(instead of taking the chance of someone holding us down/sticking something in our mouth– when that is the LAST thing they would do, if they only knew BEFORE we had a seizure).

        When we as those who know first hand what to do explain that to people we encounter–we are automatically becoming the educators that are SERIOUSLY needed for people to be informed correctly. WE have to be the FIRST VOICES— I am not saying wear a big sign on the front of us, but don’t be afraid to tell people—and then we can deal with them when they act stupid–people that don’t know what to do, react with fear/anger/etc but if don’t start with those closest to us and work from there, explaining and educating about seizures, how can we say they should know better or get upset with how they act…. Yes when I get started on something as passionate to me as Epilepsy education- wordy is my middle name—rofl Hope you understand where I’m coming from Mike, and wish all of you the best

        Like

        Comment by sunshinej716 — May 15, 2012 @ 3:36 AM

      • Mike,
        I’m very pleased & happy to hear that you came a long way to control your seizures.
        CONGRATULATIONS BUDDY, It must have been a long journey but you made it to the point that your seizures are controlled. GOOD FOR YOU!

        Sunshine,
        Trust me, when I say I knew nothing about Epilepsy, while I was ending up in hospital emergency rooms, all over town.

        And then, I refused to believe & accept, ALL OF A SUDDEN, I’m Epileptic.
        Hell no, not me,, never happen to me before.

        There were times I jumped from the Ambulance, that came to take me to a hospital.
        There was times I simply walked out from Hospital ERs.

        Watching my wife in tears, was the most difficult part of all & HAVE NO IDEA, What the hell is crying about?

        FINALLY,,, Stanford University had me on tape, having two grand-mal seizures in a week.

        Sir,,,, This video contains your MRI TEST & GRAND MAL SEIZURES.
        Ok, let’s play the video.
        Oh GOD,,, The shock of a life time.

        My point, like Mike said, while it FEELS liberating to get it of your chest & very important good-idea to let the people around you know , you are epileptic, TRUST ME,,, It hasn’t been that easy.

        In fact, I wasted more time DENYNG & COVERING UP my Epilepsy, than facing up to the plate.
        Then coming to Epilepsy-talk, I learned to live with Epilepsy, APOLOGIZED TO MY WIFE & together we learned to live with the MEDICAL DIFFICULTY I thought I can HIDE IT FROM HER.
        Thanks to her understanding, as she would say,,,
        “I ALREADY SWORE UNTIL DEATH DO US APART”,
        “Even-though you are a jerk you don’t deserve, I will take you any way:)”

        Her sense of humor made it a whole lot easier,,,
        Sorry, for something I’ve NO CONTROL over.

        Ultimately, the traumatic panic & tears has been replaced with very understanding & cautious cure.

        KNOWING ENOUGH, acknowledging, accepting, coping & confiding in her warm-heart made Epilepsy far more easier than it has been since the start of the difficulty.

        Like

        Comment by Gerrie — May 15, 2012 @ 4:25 AM

  15. Sorry for the book everyone! If the last response is somewhat drawn out, I get really passionate when I discuss a topic that has genuinely touched/changed my life — I guess there are no if’s about it!! 🙂

    Like

    Comment by sunshinej716 — May 15, 2012 @ 3:46 AM

    • You should get passionate. This is your LIFE. And you have chosen to be pro-active.

      I think that ALL of us would like to speak-up, speak-out. It’s just that there’s no road map, so each of us has to find their own way.

      Like

      Comment by Phylis Feiner Johnson — May 15, 2012 @ 2:49 PM

  16. My goodness i have not laughed so much for a long time. I have trouble dating because of my epilepsy myself and i have trouble telling them because they run a mile when they find out. Usually as soon as i get nervous i fit unfortunately. I am 44 and although i do have children have had an accident which has left me with epilepsy and i am still finding my way. I did meet a lovely man but unfortunately it did not work out. I feel that i am destined to stay alone. I hope that one day i will meet a man who loves me for who i am just like the one you have and your story is just beautiful. thank you for making me laugh it was great. Ciao

    Like

    Comment by Lea — May 19, 2012 @ 2:57 AM

    • NO Lea! You are NOT destined to stay alone unless you convince yourself of that. (You know. Attitude is 3/4 of the game.)

      As difficult as it is, you’ve got to put yourself out there.

      Yup, you’ll get weirdos (like Ricky) and weird responses, but that doesn’t account for everything.

      Who would have expected that someone like Arthur would come along? He was just a guy my age (everyone was 10-15 years older) when I started my job and we hung out together. Of course, having a flaming seizure 30 minutes after I entered his apartment was the telling moment.

      But as Gerrie says, you don’t know when you’ll have a seizure, so you just have to try to relax and go with the flow. Stressing out is sure to induce a seizure.

      See: 10 Ways to Cope with Your Fear and Anxiety https://epilepsytalk.com/2012/05/18/10-ways-to-cope-with-your-fear-and-anxiety/

      So please, give it a try, even if a few guys go running to the hills. There will be others. And those that care enough to get to know you are the real “keepers”!

      Like

      Comment by Phylis Feiner Johnson — May 19, 2012 @ 12:19 PM

      • Sounds like we need to start a dating site for Epileptics;) So we can all find a partner with compassion and understanding, and not feel hopeless. My wheels are turning…Just like Phylis wrote, Attitude is 3/4 of the game, it’s so true. When you FEEL and show confidence, others are naturally attracted, it’s human nature regardless of gender. If you struggle to feel confident, “fake it till you make it!” It also holds true in other areas of life, to be successful, etc. It’s been working for me for quite some time, so maybe give it a try=)

        Like

        Comment by Aje — May 19, 2012 @ 12:37 PM

      • Aje,
        I love your idea,,, “Sounds like we need to start a dating site for Epileptics;)”

        Aje,
        Especially for the FIRST TIMERS who are having hard-time learning to cope with epilepsy, having another genuine partner who understands the nightmare, can help make it a whole easier to live with the health difficulty, than just trying to CONVINCE those who know NOTHING about Epilepsy.

        Go for it,,, Start the dating site. I bet you will be surprised, how many people would love to just simple get a chance, on trying to reach & touch someone’s heart.

        Like

        Comment by Gerrie — May 21, 2012 @ 9:14 PM

  17. I love “fake it till you make it”! My credo indeed. If you believe in yourself, so will others…

    Like

    Comment by Phylis Feiner Johnson — May 19, 2012 @ 1:22 PM

  18. Phylis and Aje are right. Your attitude changes the way you feel about everything. I didn’t date very many women in my life because I felt I wasn’t good enough. Well, “good enough” had nothing to do with it. Later in life I started preferrring, or my intrest turned to older women.(I was in my 20’s) At first I didn’t know why, but later in life I realized that the reason was that they were more mature and understanding.
    My former wife in S, California of 21 yr’s( with Bi-Polar) was 8 yr’s older that me, and my “soon to be” wife here in Oklahoma is 6 yr’s older. Epilepsy never stood in the way of anything.

    Like

    Comment by mkfarnam — May 19, 2012 @ 7:04 PM

    • “Soon to wife.” That’s super!

      I understand the old = mature equation. But some people are “old souls” at a younger age. And some people (like my father) never grow up.

      Like

      Comment by Phylis Feiner Johnson — May 20, 2012 @ 12:56 PM

      • Fran and I are planning to Marry Aug, 1st. We met at church about 2 1/2 yr’s ago. At that time she had been Married to someone well known in the community for 43 yr’s. He past away 6 mo’s later.
        Now it’s been 1 1/2 yr’s since her husband passed away. People have to close their eyes and say we Love each other like kids when we kiss in public.

        Like

        Comment by mkfarnam — May 22, 2012 @ 12:31 AM

  19. Oh that’s so beautiful. I hope you feel that way forever.

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    Comment by Phylis Feiner Johnson — May 22, 2012 @ 7:18 AM

    • Thank You Phylis. We’re both praying that it last for iternity. It’s a (wonderful) feeling niether of us have ever had. I’ll admit, we are like kids. Our kisses are long and tight. but with true feeling. Some friends at church asked us to sit in the back pew so we did steer Sunday,s attention in the wrong direction LOL! Attention, meaning…….holding one another. Just imagine…..she’s 63 and I’m 57 . I guess us old folks aren’t suppose to feel “young at heart”.lol!

      Like

      Comment by mkfarnam — May 22, 2012 @ 9:26 AM

  20. Her grand daughters keep telling her “Shame on you nanna” lol!

    Like

    Comment by mkfarnam — May 22, 2012 @ 3:05 PM

    • They’ll learn, just give them time! 😉

      Like

      Comment by Phylis Feiner Johnson — May 22, 2012 @ 4:18 PM

      • That’s wonderful Mark! I have a 5 year difference and I am the oldest. My husband works his tail off. Be greatful they are grandchildren! Our oldest is 19 and youngest is still in the house! No shame at all it is a blessing! You were helping each other from what I am reading. I wish you the best.
        With youth and experience they will learn! Just as we have learned in the past.

        Your love sounds beautiful and genuine. As you said young at heart!

        Like

        Comment by Toni Robison — May 22, 2012 @ 5:19 PM

  21. Thank You Toni…

    Like

    Comment by mkfarnam — June 14, 2012 @ 4:19 PM

    • you are always welcome 🙂

      Like

      Comment by Toni Robison — June 14, 2012 @ 5:44 PM

  22. I am 29 years old.I was diagnosed with epilepsy at age 5 ever since I have had problems with my epilepsy getting in the way of everything I wanted in life.Starting with driving and finding a job as a teen and of course dating followed.Mostly because of the not driving thing when I was a teen and even in my early twenties but here lately it seems to be that I get the whole “you’re a really nice guy…but I don’t think I could handle that…”

    Like

    Comment by chase A — August 12, 2015 @ 7:37 PM

    • Well, they’re jerks and you wouldn’t want a relationship with that kind of person anyway.

      Maybe you should become friends before you tell them the facts?

      Like

      Comment by Phylis Feiner Johnson — August 12, 2015 @ 7:54 PM

  23. why isn’t there any dating sites out there just for people with any kids and all types of seizures I’m 35 and cant get a gf because of it

    Like

    Comment by derek — July 20, 2016 @ 12:23 AM

    • Becuz the market is too small. There are so many niche dating sites that have hardly any members they are pretty much dead and boring. The most populated and free sites are Okcupid and POF, plenty of open minded people on those that will accept you. Don’t disclose in your profile but after you charm a woman to like you then she will accept this part of you too! Knock them over their head with romance to fall for you first;)

      Liked by 1 person

      Comment by Aje — July 20, 2016 @ 1:11 PM

  24. Good question. You should just fly by your radar and tell someone you have epilepsy when the time is right.

    Like

    Comment by Phylis Feiner Johnson — July 20, 2016 @ 9:04 AM

  25. Hi,
    I was dating Nick for 7 month, the last time which was 2 month ago I had seizure when I was at his place (I don’t havr seizure regularly- like once a year). He took me to hospital and called all my friends( I’m studying abroad) he was at hospital for 6 hours, he was so nice. But after he found I’m well he stopped texting or seeing me. I texted him one month after that he wAs still nice and I asked can I pick up my stuff. He didnt reply, I saw him 3 days after accidentally in a bar he was still nice and told me come and pick up your stuff, days later I texted him to go to his place to get my dtuff back he said he is not at home, 😦 , I know seeinv someone having siezure( as I’m told) is teryfying , but I really love him.

    Like

    Comment by Sogand — August 11, 2016 @ 7:22 PM

    • Sigh. How miserable. How much you must hurt. But I think it’s time to go pick up your stuff. 😦

      Someday, someone will come along who’s able to learn and listen, but I don’t think he’s it.

      Like

      Comment by Phylis Feiner Johnson — August 12, 2016 @ 8:58 AM


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    About the author

    Phylis Feiner Johnson

    Phylis Feiner Johnson

    I've been a professional copywriter for over 35 years. I also had epilepsy for decades. My mission is advocacy; to increase education, awareness and funding for epilepsy research. Together, we can make a huge difference. If not changing the world, at least helping each other, with wisdom, compassion and sharing.

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