Epilepsy Talk
Epilepsy and Anger: WHY ME? | January 8, 2010
Suddenly, you’re feeling edgy. Lashing out at loved ones for no reason at all. It’s not PMS (especially if you’re a guy!) It’s not anybody’s fault. It’s that old familiar enemy. Epilepsy. Again.
Why me? Why now? It’s not fair.
No, it’s not, but it’s part of our physiology. Since the brain is control central, sudden changes – like a seizure – wreak havoc. And you get even angrier, for what seems, nothing at all. The outbursts, crying, come out of nowhere, without warning.
But they’re giving you a warning.
I used to get my red alert when my mouth filled up with salvia. (It was disgusting.) I’d hit the floor and close the door – if I could. Of course when I was drowning, or falling down the stairs, or walking face first into a wall, there wasn’t much I could do. (Except have my nose repaired twice.)
And no one around knew what to do.
My parents refused to use the “E” word, which made me furious. People treated me like I was some kind of pariah which didn’t make me feel warm and fuzzy either.
Guys never called back for a second date. (And I was pretty!)
The Dilantin made me feel like a zombie. I even went into a coma once.
And my beautiful, long hair was falling out.
Was I angry? You bet!
I couldn’t drive, couldn’t participate in athletics, couldn’t even get through a date.
I constantly had to lie. Or else no one would hire me. (Not good for their health insurance.) And I was constantly on my guard.
One day, the copy machine next to my office caught on fire. Everyone was evacuated from the building while I was laying on the floor of my office (with the door closed), out cold. When I came out, I innocently asked “where’s the copy machine.” They all looked at me like I was from Mars.
So I quickly had to make up some lame story. I was mad. And exhausted. I couldn’t even have a seizure in peace.
Epilepsy was my dirty secret. Like it or not…
Until one night, I had a flaming seizure on a date and the guy was so sweet and gentle and considerate, I couldn’t believe it. Kind to ME? Little old damaged me? I was floored and said to myself: “He’s a keeper!” And he has been for 30 years.
Then, last year, I almost died. My heart stopped, I was in a coma and on life support for 5 days, then the hospital itself for 5 days, until I was transferred to another hospital for rehab, followed by 4 weeks of out-patient.
But I still couldn’t button a shirt or tie my shoes, no less find the key board. Exasperation turned to tears. I was useless.
Yet there was certainly time to think. (Almost dying can certainly change your perspective.) And I realized I was one of the lucky ones. After all, I was still alive.
No, I wasn’t mad any more. Instead, I found the perfect outlet. I ditched my day job (I had my own freelance writing business for 25 years) and said bye-bye to my anger. And I became a full-time epilepsy advocate.
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I too feel anger at the smallest thing.Spilled water,dogs barking,leaving the lights on.
I have always been a verbal person but this is extreme.
I am picking fights with my husband for no reason,and with my kids.
my husband and i have usually a great relationship.We have been together for 20 yrs married for 18 this June.
Im not sure if its the meds or my feeling about my Epilepsy.
Comment by momoffive — January 31, 2010 @ 9:15 AMJan -04:00Jan
My guess is that it’s the meds. I think you should report your behavior and moods to your doc asap. There’s no reason why you should have to suffer. There are plenty of anti-epileptic drugs out there. It’s just that sometimes it’s difficult to find the right combination.
I am lucky in that my psychiatrist, working with my neurologist, hit on the perfect “cocktail”.
Instead of suffering, just speak out to your doc. And if he/she doesn’t want to listen, find yourself another one.
Comment by Phylis Feiner Johnson — January 31, 2010 @ 9:15 AMJan -04:00Jan
My husband is on Keppra , Vimpat and Lorazepam to keep his seizures at bay.I am glad to see that you have a psychiatrist on board. He has been lashing out a lot lately — He is angry with me if I am anything but calm and agreeable. Any suggestions about mood swings/lashing out would be appreciated. Our neurologists has recommended he see a psychiatrist , any questions I should ask the Dr?
Thanks-
Comment by Kris — December 27, 2011 @ 9:15 PMDec -04:00Dec
A psychiatrist can be important, but MUCH MORE IMPORTANT IN THIS CASE is B vitamins. If he takes adequate doses of B vits, especially B3 and B6, he will no longer be susceptible to these mood swings and fits of rage and anger.
Most anti-epileptic medication depletes our normal supply of B vits, but in the case of Keppra, this lack of B’s leads to emotional outbursts, fits of rage and unexplained anger.
A fellow Keppa taker.
Comment by dorrin rosenfeld — December 28, 2011 @ 9:15 AMDec -04:00Dec
Are you familiar with “Keppra Rage?”
You are certainly not alone. Perhaps reading the article
“Keppra – What People Are Saying…” might comfort you.
http://epilepsytalk.com/2010/10/15/keppra-%e2%80%93-what-people-are-saying%e2%80%a6-2/
I think you should consult a psychiatrist (because rather than a psychologist, they have more of an understanding of meds and can prescribe them.)
But before you do, try to keep a diary of when he takes his meds and the timing of his outbursts, just to check if it’s a direct result of the meds or a state of mind and/or confusion and side-effects.
Also, finding the right psychiatrist can be tricky. Ask your neuro if he has any specific suggestions. (He may
have several.)
If you feel uncomfortable with him, then try someone else, until you find someone you can work with.
Believe me, I kissed a lot of frogs before I found my shrink and he’s absolutely wonderful. Don’t settle for anything less.
Comment by Phylis Feiner Johnson — December 27, 2011 @ 9:15 PMDec -04:00Dec
Dorrin, thanks so much for your wisdom and sharing it with us!
I do know that, according to research, B Complex Vitamins – are, without a question, the star in the AED combat arsenal. In sufficient quantities, especially those that combine B6, B12, folic acid, thiamine and biotin, are vital to the production of numerous brain chemicals. Like the neurotransmitters which serve as the chemical message bearers between your nervous system and brain. The most efficient way to make use of this “brain food,” is to take it in a B complex form, since this contains all the vitamins in the B group. And when combined, they work synergistically together.
Take a single B-50 B complex tablet twice a day with food. Each dose should contain 50 micrograms of vitamin B12 and biotin, 400 micrograms of folic acid, and 50 milligrams each of all the other B vitamins.
(If you feel stressed, you’ll probably do best with a higher intake of a B complex. A daily dosage of 100-200mg. may be required, split into doses 2 or 3 times a day. Take this extra dose for a short time until you find that you are fairly relaxed, and then cut down the amount.)
However, research is one thing. Personal experience is much more valuable!
Comment by Phylis Feiner Johnson — December 28, 2011 @ 9:15 PMDec -04:00Dec